Okay guys so if you haven’t already seen we are in pandemic (air quotes) and it’s getting annoying seeing how people are conducting themselves; so I’ve come to help you survive.
Step one “Cover your blow hole”
If you feel a coughing coming, please take your right hand, position it around your mouth, with your left hand on your nearest hand sanitiser because before the pandemic you had manners.
Step two “Word of mouth”
Reports have shown talking less about the virus in offices and transport can lead a stronger immune system because the potential of spit flying from ones lips into ones eye is lessen
Step three “Apply like there’s no tomorrow”
Don’t forget to apply hand sanitiser every minute on the hour because killing the body’s natural protection to outside entities has been shown to be very effective
Step four “Fear the Asian”
Because they are the only spices of humans that can carry any illness, remember fight or flight, say it with me fight or flight
Step five “Stay blind Stevie”
Remember to only focus on the virus, put all your attention to this topic because it not like anything else is going on in the world, no wars, no attacks on human life, what happened to Australia.
Take these steps and you’ll be safe you filthy animals and remember tinder is the enemy right now